I recently saw an energy healer to have an aura and Akashic record reading done for the first time. I learned that my aura is indigo blue and I’m a Mintakan starseed. In a nutshell, an indigo blue aura represents “deep inner feelings, inner knowing, intuitive, and sensitive.” A starseed is a person whose soul originates from another planet, star system, or dimension other than Earth. A Mintakan starseed, more specifically, is part of a soul group who originated on a planet (Mintaka) in the constellation Orion. They were the first star beings to travel to Earth, and believed to be the original Lightworkers. This information was already a lot, but it didn’t stop there.
I felt uncertain going into the appointment. In fact I was uneasy from the moment I scheduled it. But the energy healer was recommended to me by a close friend that had a life changing experience with the healer. I’m almost always open to new experiences, I’m interested in this type of stuff, and ultimately my gut was telling me to do it. So I did it.
Within 90 minutes, I was flooded with details (and emotions) about my past life and how it’s affected my current life. Emotional heaviness, relationship choices, lower body pain, feeling like I’ve never really belonged anywhere. I realized my initial apprehension stemmed from my intuition. An inner knowing that I was going to hear a lot of information, and an uncertainty that I was equipped to process all of it. More importantly, I was left wondering how I can integrate the information in a useful way. I wanted to consider the details so that my past life doesn’t affect my present and future. Which now I believe really boils down to choice.
At first I sat with it, spoke with a few people I trust, and wrote about it. Then a conversation triggered me into a serious urge to release years of pent up feelings and emotion. Trust issues, fear of abandonment, unworthiness, perfectionism, and a belief that I am unlovable. That was hiding deep inside every corner of my body. I tucked it away so that I was able to move along with my days. Always carrying a certain heaviness with each move, but moving along nonetheless.
I went into the basement, grabbed a tennis racket, and ripped into an old pillow. It wasn’t enough impact. I still have moving boxes. That was the impact I needed. I annihilated the boxes. Every swing came with a wave of tears, snot, screams, and total rage. My swings were so powerful I had cuts on my hands. I did this in multiple sessions over several days.
I’d end a session and go upstairs thinking that’s that. Then I’d find myself walking back down to the basement again. I started questioning if this was actually healthy. Another fear trying to prevent me from allowing myself to be completely unhinged and feel everything. Eventually I didn’t feel the urge to rage. Everything in me emptied and ached—my throat, my hands, my heart. My entire body, my entire mind. I processed and released a decent amount of stored emotion from the past 30+ years.
I made space for every part of me to exist—angry, sad, ugly, difficult, pained, vulnerable, scared, tired, lonely, shamed, guilty, anxious, silenced, insecure—all the parts I’ve been so scared to acknowledge, accept, and show. All these parts were hidden behind carefully constructed walls fortified with outward appearances, achievements, exciting experiences, and relationships that never lasted.
Acknowledging these parts made space for me to start showing up as my whole self. A woman who feels an entire range of complex feelings and emotions and is also worthy, lovable, interesting, creative, sensitive, intelligent, and so much more. A woman who is fully equipped to handle what’s happened in my past lives, what’s happening in my present life, and whatever comes in future lives.
